Doctor Jokes

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.
Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.
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A well known, rich business man's wife broke her hip. The business man got
the best orthopedic surgeon in town to do the operation, which consisted of
lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation
went smoothly, and the doctor sent the business man a bill for $5,000 for
his services. The business man, outraged at the high price, sent the doctor
a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor responded to
the letter with the following:1 Screw: $1.00Knowing how to put it in:
$4,999Total: $5,000The business man never argued.
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David: My wife beats me, doctor. Doctor: Oh dear. How often? David: Every
time we play Scrabble!
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Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?
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Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last
night? Nurse: No change yet.
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Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh,
really? Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
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Once I was sick and I had to go to an ear, nose, and throat man to get well.
There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists,
proctologists, any place you got a hole, there's a guy who specializes in
your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the ear
doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't help
you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!
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Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a
bank.
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Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more
points? Doctor: Sell!
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Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $100.00. Patient:
$100.00 for just a few minutes work? Dentist: Well, I can extract it very
slowly if you like.
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Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident
involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good
news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me
the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to
amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your
slippers.
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Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
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Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils,
adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out
of this place! Doctor: I am, bit by bit.