Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Husbands

Released by Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Husbands.


Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
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There is only one perfect child in the world and every Mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every Neighbour has it
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Women"?
Sales girl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: "Everything" ;
and the book is titled: "What Women Want!"
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A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------


Girlfriends are like CHOCOLATES, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot and spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------


Man receives telegram: Wife dead - should be buried or Cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------


Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying &
The other ensures you continue
to cry for the rest of your Life!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------


Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second Woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the Same offence
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Lady to her maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."
Kanta : I don't believe it! You are just saying that to make me jealous!"
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Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------


The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother & said,
"I've found a man just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Can You Dance Better than This Dog?

This is just soooooo adorable!!!

How to make Women happy VS How to make Men Happy

How True……….


How to keep a woman happy.... Priceless!

 

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber 
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist 
15. A gynaecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer 
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic 
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant 
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous 
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY


1. Leave him alone

Generation Y

I've always wondered this myself... now I know.

- People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation.. 
- The Baby Boomers, are people born between 1946 and 1959. 
- Generation X, people have been born between 1960 and 1979. 

- Generation Y , are the people born between 1980 and 2010 
Why do we call the last group Generation Y? 
A cartoonist explained it very eloquently below.... 
Scroll down.

!cid_2A0570FCB83643B4A0F061B6DED0E26B@npc

And I always thought it was because they say....

Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?

Entertaining Solutions in Life

Subject: Fw: Fwd: FW: Fwd: I can fix that ~~~

Don 't have a spoon?

I can fix that!
!cid_7612BDD14C75421B83FFC9988609AD90@npc

 

Seatbelt broken?
I can fix that!
!cid_D20725DED94142CE8F1EBA017E5C2B45@npc

New TV too big for the old cabinet?

!cid_82CD098C2288402C961C01312AB4D738@npc
I can fix that!

I need some of these….

Electrical problem?
I can fix that!

!cid_5F60CED8F028438F97900ED7E6E892AC@npc

Car stereo stolen?
I can fix that! 
!cid_5BBF70361036457898025E63980B2A4A@npc

Bookshelf cracking under the weight?
I can fix that!
!cid_07C0117589E34E4D9540D8C0AF967988@npc

Can't afford a real GPS?
I can fix that!
!cid_669E9F61E52644BB91C9F481FEA5347B@npc

No ice chest?
I can fix that!
!cid_41AA073CE91A4D5B876E0EE6861B0080@npc

Can't read the ATM screen?
I can fix that!
!cid_919FD6ABC5B141DAA599AE99C9809B24@npc

Car imported from the wrong country?
I can fix that!
!cid_504E7505131141F3AFB2E68C60AB44E9@npc
Bettsy might be able to use this idea….

Satellite go out in the rain?
I can fix that!
!cid_3FD022C13A8247299B9A4A926438352A@npc

Electric stove broken & can't heat coffee?
I fixed that.
!cid_0D914497A53F47A4B00BA025DC3D3C53@npc

Wiper motor burned out?
I can fix that!
!cid_8263A682C84D45AB9DF8026FE091FD94@npc

Display rack falling over?
I can fix that!
!cid_2E9073DF27354E36941A9E3EE4472DEC@npc

Tires worm out?
I fixed that.
Might be a little hard to steer.
!cid_522723E5ADEA46E59D48DAF1053A6074@npc

Erm… Dunno what is this fixing…

!cid_CA14D3F237D24631946F772B573892E5@npc

Exhaust pipe dragging?
I can fix that!

!cid_96D200C77B554D51B89906B60582292C@npc

Gotta feed the baby AND do the laundry?
(hopefully the baby doesn’t choke on the milk)
I can fix that!
!cid_14645C5C2E2E4B489272149E5F97927D@npc

Cables falling behind the desk?
I can fix that!

!cid_0604B14740DD45CF973D9C7E3A2711CE@npc

I actually think that’s ingenious. (In fact I am doing that)


Out of diapers? I can fix that!


!cid_1D599EF855334937A49D9FC891319C71@npc

Speechless……


Sunday, 6 March 2011

Children Are Quick

Children Are Quick
_____________________________

TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find    North America  .
MARIA:        
Here it  is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered    America ?
CLASS:         Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  

(I  Love this child)
____________________________________________

TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:      H I J K L M N O
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
__________________________________

TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE:       Me!
__________________________________________ 

TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:          Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________________

TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  '
MILLIE:         I  is..
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.'
MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

________________________________

TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had the axe in his hand....

______________________________________  

TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.  
______________________________

TEACHER:        Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :         No, sir. It's the same dog.  


(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

___________________________________
TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher
__________________________________  

PASS  IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE  LAUGH!

LAUGHTER  IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!