Husband and Wife Jokes

1- Wife & Husband
Wife : How have you managed to get home so early today?
Husband : My boss lost temper with me and shouted "Go to hell". So I came home.

2-  Black guy & A White Girl
A black guy and a white girl met at a nightclub. She took him to her apartment and said: "tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!"   So he ran off with the TV and VCD...
3-Wife & Husband
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so I can have a NEW ONE every morning!"
4- Something wrong
A Chinese couple got married. When their baby was born, she had big, blue eyes, curly, blonde hair and brown skin. They named her  ...  SAM TING LONG.
5- Wedding nights
Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?' "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!'
6- Not at all
> 70 yr old man asks his wife "do u feel sad when u see me running behind  young girls?"
> Wife replied "No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it."
7- Don't disgrace your family
>A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date. Her mother warned her…."1st he  kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he
> wants  to go on top.  You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name."
> Next day girl told Mom, "Everything happened exactly as you predicted. I
> didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family."

8- Baby burnt
> A white couple had a black baby….
> The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
> Husband: Why the baby black?
> Wife: U hot, I hot, baby burnt..!

9- Expiry date
>Wife: "Honey, what are you looking for?"
> Husband: "Nothing."
> Wife: "Nothing? You have been reading our marriage certificate for an  hour?"
> Husband:" I was looking for the expiry date!"

10- Why black?
> Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white?
> Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!