Doctor Jokes

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.
Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.
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A well known, rich business man's wife broke her hip. The business man got
the best orthopedic surgeon in town to do the operation, which consisted of
lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation
went smoothly, and the doctor sent the business man a bill for $5,000 for
his services. The business man, outraged at the high price, sent the doctor
a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor responded to
the letter with the following:1 Screw: $1.00Knowing how to put it in:
$4,999Total: $5,000The business man never argued.
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David: My wife beats me, doctor. Doctor: Oh dear. How often? David: Every
time we play Scrabble!
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Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?
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Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last
night? Nurse: No change yet.
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Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh,
really? Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
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Once I was sick and I had to go to an ear, nose, and throat man to get well.
There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists,
proctologists, any place you got a hole, there's a guy who specializes in
your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the ear
doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't help
you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!
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Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a
bank.
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Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more
points? Doctor: Sell!
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Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $100.00. Patient:
$100.00 for just a few minutes work? Dentist: Well, I can extract it very
slowly if you like.
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Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident
involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good
news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me
the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to
amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your
slippers.
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Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
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Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils,
adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out
of this place! Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

Jokes again!

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I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess " on it. So I said 
"Implants? "

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What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"It might take me a while to get hard I just got layed last night. "
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A little girl asked santa to send her a sister. Santa said on one 
condition, send me your mother.
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Q: Whats the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole 
chicken.
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A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand? "
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"Will the father be present during the birth? "
asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be,
"He and my husband don't get along. "
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'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen,
'you know that dish you were always worried that I would break
?'
'Yes dear, what about it?'
'Well your worries are over.'
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Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
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"It's clear " said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your 
geography. What's your excuse? " "Well, my dad says the world is 
changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down! "
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An Awakening Message by Duo-Liang Lin

An Awakening Message

Enough is enough, there is limit on everything.  Watch out, the last straw on the camel's back could be imminent ...........  

China should thanks Osama bin Laden for giving her some breathing space. If the WTC twin towers were not toppled, CIA will be busy financing, training and arming the Sinkiang muslim terrorist and the Tibetian rebels to destabalise China and slow down the the economic development. 

In response to "Fair Assessment--- China is not a Superpower---Not Yet" by Helen Wang (from the US), perhaps you should read the following poem "An Awakening Message" by D.L. Lin (also from the US), dated April 2008.

AN AWAKENING MESSAGE

(A Poem Published by the Washington Post)

When we were the Sick Man of Asia ,

We were called The Yellow Peril.

When we are billed to be the next Superpower,

we are called The Threat.

When we closed our doors,

you smuggled opium to open markets.

When we embrace Free Trade,

You blame us for taking away your jobs.

When we were falling apart,

You marched in your troops & wanted your fair share.
When we tried to put the broken pieces back together again,

Free Tibet you screamed, It Was an Invasion!
When we tried Communism,

you hated us for being Communist.
When we embrace Capitalism,

you hate us for being Capitalist.
When we have a billion people,

you said we were destroying the planet.
When we tried limiting our numbers,

you said we abused human rights.
When we were poor,

you thought we were dogs.
When we loan you cash,

you blame us for your national debts.
When we build our industries,

you call us Polluters.
When we sell you goods,

you blame us for global warming.
When we buy oil,

you call it exploitation and genocide.
But when you go to war for oil,

you call it liberation.
When we were lost in chaos and rampage,

you demanded rules of law.
When we uphold law and order against violence,

you call it violating human rights.
When we were silent,

you said you wanted us to have free speech.
When we are silent no more,

you say we are brainwashed-xenophobics.
Why do you hate us so much, we asked.
No, you answered, we don't hate you.
We don't hate you either,
But, do you understand us?
Of course we do, you said,
We have AFP, CNN and BBC's...
What do you really want from us?
Think hard first, then answer...
Because you only get so many chances.

Enough is Enough,

Enough Hypocrisy for This One World.

We want One World,

One Dream, and Peace on Earth.

This Big Blue Earth is Big Enough for all of Us.

************************************

Duo-Liang Lin, Ph. D.

Professor Emeritus of Physics

University at Buffalo

State University of New York

Buffalo, New York 14260-1500

Email: DLLIN@buffalo.ed

When Japan was economically successful,  it was Japan bashing .  Now it's China bashing when China is getting a bit successful.  If you haven't heard of China bashing before,  the above poem pretty much summarised it. In the following paragraphs, I'll  try to clarify some of the facts and mindsets about China, hoping they can help some people to understand.  The West ( US & formerly Europe & Britain) practice hegemony and don't seem to care what the third world  feel  at all.  Third world countries have a right to grow, be strong and be successful too!  

Inspite of the last 30 years of advance in city infrastructure and other hardwares, China is still  a very poor country of  1.3 billion including a  poverty-stricken farming population of 650 million, and  a corrupt /backward government.  Anyone who  have been to China can see that.   We in HK are so close to China that we probably know it better than anyone else.  But the West blows the whole thing out of proportion, calling China a Superpower, and a threat, which is simply not the case.   Author Helen Wang rightly pointed out in her book,  saying........ China is in many ways, too backward to qualify as a superpower........it has a long way to go.  However what she should realise  is that the West is using the rise of a Superpower as  a covenient pretext  to blame and bash China for their own economic woes and diplomatic failures.  Yet business is business.  Trade still go on as long as there is a profit.

As far as I can see,  China has a lot of catching up to do.  China has more internal problems than it can handle.  China is more involved in solving its own problems, such as feeding its millions, providing them with  jobs, keep the rich/poor gap narrowed down, fighting corruption & inflation, and give people a decent living .....etc etc.  So far the progress made are stained with blood, sweat and tears.  Every time one uses an INTEL, HP or Apple, there are many parts inside that are made in China's sweat shops. This is just one example which is all over the news in recent days.  Cheap products from China actually kept US inflation down for years!  Sounds like a win/win situation.  However what does the average worker gets for assembling the IC chips..........a mere US$120/m.  They work very hard, but very very  sad.  I have stories to tell........much later.

It's really a conspiracy of the West to contain China from expansion, just like containing the Soviet Union from expansion in the Cold War days.  Why is  there  a European Union and  NATO, SEATO and other alliances?   It's the post -WWII  Western strategy to contain the two communist giants, a strategy which is still in force today,  but rather out-dated, since Russia and China are no longer communists.  Why does the US has over one thousand military bases around the world and seven fleets patrolling the seas? ( China has none.)  Because the politicians in the West have  to justify their  governments' expenditure on the military.  Because the arms dealers and manufacturers have to lobby the politicians to sell their weapons.  Because the Western nations want to perpetuate a Western dominant world.  Fair assessment?

200 years ago, after fallen behind the West, China was attacked by Britain first, then plundered, looted, colonised by a league of 8 nations,  even conquered by Japan.  The next  100 years, China  suffered 2 revolutions, 2 World Wars,  plus Civil War and internal struggle,  China, as a nation,  is flatout, downtrodden, and experiencing total collapse . All it wants now is to rebuild a country from its pieces, to give its people food, shelter,  clothing,  a decent life and restore some dignity to a "sick" nation.  What can be more noble and humanistic than that?    Many people do think China's leaders deserve to be awarded a Nobel Peace Price for their contribution to lead  a quarter of mankind out of poverty and starvation!  President Gorbachev received a Nobel Peace Price for liberating the Soviet Union in 1989, a huge political change for  Eastern Europe.  I think China's achievement is more internal, but economical change is just as great if not greater.   Why the West are so negative about China !  Fair assessment or not?

What about the arms race?  The US and Russia  have enough nuclear arsenal to destroy the world ten  times over.  But China can hardly defend itself against the real Superpowers.  China just want to stand on its own two feet, and not being bullied  by any other powers. If one should understand the Chinese mindset, our culture of Confucius, Mencius, Laotze, Chuangtze and Buddha, all teaches harmony among men, harmony between  men and nature.........what 5000 years of history has taught us that wars and killings will not solve any problems, but will create more problems.  That's why China's leaders keep stressing China's position is not to seek the first  strike in any conflict,  a sharp contrast to some other country's "pre-emptive strike" mindset.  China has not invaded any country in the last 200 years. China has not one soldier  combating abroad today.  It seems that China  may not want to be a Superpower now.  Its Economics 101 ......guns or butter?   The answer is clear. 

Guess I spoke enough.........not in defence or accusation, but to help international understanding.

LOL: Drinking=Less Accidents

Gotta share this interesting finding with you guys.

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Transport(States) indicates that 23% of all traffic accidents during this period are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by those who drink tea, coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water and drinks like that.

Therefore, please beware of those who do NOT drink alcohol, they cause more than three times as many blinking accidents as we do.

This message is sent by someone who cares about your well being. So drink up, drink smart!

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