Wednesday, 9 July 2008

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

Most people would know by now that I'm single.. I hope blogging about this would help me feel better.. It really sucks to cry at least 3 times a day..

I met Dave today because he had to pass me stuff that his everloving mother took for me when I had baggage overload at the airport.. I was supposed to meet him at 4pm.. So I baked some Green Tea white chocolate and sultana cookies.. Packed nicely in a box.. Ready to give him.. I was obviously being really fat hope, hoping for a chance to revive this relationship.. Due to being held up at school, Dave changed the meeting time to 6.15pm..

I have always been someone really tardy.. Always late.. But after my Japan trip, I became a much more punctual person.. I'm glad I changed that.. I actually arrived earlier than Dave! It seems like a first time.. I have kept him waiting for most dates the past two years.. I even remember there was one occasion we had a half year anniversary dinner.. I was actually late for 2 hours.. Of course he got angry.. Who wouldn't?

So we had pepper lunch.. Since I gained 8kg from Japan, I have to lose it in Singapore.. So dinner was the shake shake sesame salad.. And ice cream.. Haha.. Talk about dieting.. But Dave treated me to dinner!!


So you can see Dave holding a nice box of green tea white chocolate sultana cookies.. Its such a long name...I shall call it Fruity Maccha White cookie! The first batch lacked the maccha flavour and it was not sweet at all.. So I shall make changes to the remaining cookie dough.. Post on this coming up!

After dinner, we walked around.. Dave was no longer interested looking at the clothes shops he used to like.. Levis, Addidas.. So we basically just walked to pass the time before the movie starts.. China must havemade him realise that branded goods are not worth that money.. Haha. Juz joking..
We watched Hancock Digital, supposedly better sound effects.. Here's the trailer..



Towards the end, I thought Hancock was gonna be another dying Hero, the way he did in I am Legend.. But thankfully he didn't.. I would give the show 5 stars!! But both Eileen and Suat Cheng found the show stupid.. SO don't take my word for it.. But I found it funny and entertaining.. My recommendation is a MUST WATCH! But den again, I find most movies nice, so maybe not..


When we exited the cinema, there is a publicity stand.. So I couldn't resist but force Dave to pose for the camera.. Haha..

Although we travelled together in Japan, this was kind of different.. It was really a date.. Something we didn't have for 6 months.. I felt so attracted to him.. I was dying inside to hold him.. So when we parted, I gave him a kiss on his cheek.. Obviously he felt nothing, but it was really brief since we were parting.. It was really abrupt of me.. But I was thinking of kissing him ever since I left home today..


(PAUSE)


Sorry.. I had problems continuing the post.. Cuz I cry so easily.. I think when you really love someone, that person would be the one who makes you cry most easily.. Second to Dave, my mum makes me cry really easily.. Other that that, I can't think of any other crying factors..

I remembered before we parted at the Singapore airport, we dreamed of meeting each other in Japan, hugging and kissing when we see each other.. Oh, dun gag.. We were going to be a 5 months separated couple.. Before the internship, we literally saw each other everyday..

But long term relationships are not easy.. People change due to environment.. Although the saying goes Absence makes the heart grow fonder.. But it did not apply to us.. We drifted... We paid attention to each other at the wrong time.. He had friends in Shanghai to hang with.. I had Choon Fei and Akiko san to hang with before I met Tat-chan.. Choon Fei had alot of Soka meetings, not much time to hang with me.. plus he loves cycling and I simply can't cycle at his speed.. So my first two months of lonely winter was spent cycling in the cold to the internet cafe at Yamada Denki to chat with Dave.. Sometimes, he was out with friends and I did not know, so wasted trips there gave me chance to catch up with other friends...

We broke up not because of anyone else... but because Dave thinks we're not compatible.. He feels he can't be what I want him to be and I can't be the girl he wants.. Dave feels that I'm too outgoing.. Well, outging is a good character trait in my point of view and I'm not going to change that.. But too outgoing can be a problem.. but i dun see how am I too outgoing.. can anyone quote me examples? I'm willing to change you see.. Some people strive to become a better person while others choose to say That's the way I am.. Which do you belong? I belong to the first group.. I know most of my friends know i'm really sensitive to comments and they dare not say many things to me.. I wanted to change, but i felt that i lacked the effort in the past.. Dave thinks its my nature and I cannot change.. As strong headed as I usually am, I am going to prove him wrong.. I will take comments less seriously.. Everyone is entitled their own opinion and I can choose not to take it.. Because I took every opinion, I'm always so worked up and sad.. So I shall just take it like a pinch of salt.. So please feel free to tell me the times I was too outgoing.. Dave says I'm too petty and hot-tempered.. I admit.. I seriously do.. I will change that.. The more he thinks its me and its impossible to change, the more I will prove it to him.. I will change at least for him, and myself..

Perhaps I'm going true a really tough period now, but I'm going to face this strong.. I may cry, I may weep, but I will walk true this.. (Think i watch too much Ma Xiao Ling.. Trying to be like her.. Hahahaha)

Dave thinks he is not suited for me becasue I need a Japanese who is appreciative of the things I do and he can't do that.. Being appreciative is a good character trait which I hope he can have.. But we're Singaporeans.. We take things for granted and all we do is complain.. We never appreciated enough what the government has done for us.. So in the past, i often got angry for his lack of appreciation.. Guess I like to feel appreciated and wanted that's why.. So that's my flaw.. I will change it.. I'm in Singapore.. not in Japan.. People are not going to care about the things I do for them, but the wrong I did to them.. But I shall keep on spreading the love and care because I am Claire..

This song expresses my words to Dave.. I know people dun bother reading lyrics.. But I hope HE does..

"Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"

I'm gonna make you bend and break
(It sends you to me without wait)
Say a prayer but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show
(Let the good times roll, let the good times roll)
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
"Who does he think he is?"
If that's the worst you got
Better put your fingers back to the keys

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ballI
t's always cloudy except for
When you look into the past
(look into the past)
One night stand (one night stand off)
One night and one more time
Thanks for the memorieseven though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Claire,

Just want to be anonymous here cause "I'm one of those friends that you are sensitive to comments" , just want to leave a msg on your blog about this post.

you can don't approve this comment to be published if you feel it's too offensive or if you want to keep it private.

Reading your post, i feel that you feel very bitter about Dave breaking up with you. The post started about how you miss him, the end it started becoming spiteful and you want to prove him wrong. I'm not even sure what the lyrics for "thks fr th mmrs" mean even when i listen to it a lot of times.

Bend and break?, "Who does he think he is?", "He tastes like you only sweeter"? Who broke up with who now? I'm really confused. It's a real song expressing hate. Clearly its very contradictory.

You are who you are. You can try to change it, we can't totally reprogram ourselves to be that "Perfect personality", and there is a good reason not to ---- Despite how good or how friendly your are, some people will still not like you. Always has and always will be. Instead of getting someone to conform to you and vice versa, you're better off finding someone more compatible from the get-go.

It's hard trying to change people, and you might not like the end result if they do change. How do you intend to change someone who is vocal and very extrovert into someone who is gentle and demure?

Through past relationships people have an idea of what they really want out of it. Maybe that's what Dave realized what he wants in a relationship, a person that's less vocal and extroverted. And you realized you need someone who can be supportive at all times, regardless what you do.

Ask yourself why are you changing, is there really a need to change? Both of you will find someone better just by being the way you are.

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Lee Han Ying aka Claire said...

Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for your comments.. I'm not spiteful or bitter.. Maybe a little a week ago, but I'm feeling better... Maybe the song is not right in every lyrics.. Especially those you mentioned..

But I just want to Thank Dave for the memories because he has given me alot of good memoris..

I'm not changing only because of him, and neither am I changing to have a perfect personality.. But I'm changing to be a better me.. I'm not going to be a gentle and demure girl either becasude that is definitely impossible for me..

Thanks for your comments and I will take a part of it.. But situations between us are kind of complicated and we shall just let things rest for the time being.. Its nice to know you are not on my side too.. Because the full story is hard to explain..